January 8, 2010
. . . has it really been over two months since I last posted? Where has the time gone?
Christmas was good. The National Guard flew in members of my daughter’s unit for their four day pass. DE National Guard – she’s barely visible in the accompanying video, but she’s there.
Mark Jr came over Christmas Eve Eve and stayed Christmas Eve as well. We were able to enjoy all of our normal Christmas traditions even if they weren’t done in quite the same order.
This season of my life is HARD.
But Rebekah being deployed now to Afghanistan is even HARDER.
s
October 28, 2009
I just love that little song. What a mighty God we serve! It’s just the type that needs to be sung at the top of your lungs with all of your being.
October 25, 2009
My life since the middle of June has been horrible for me (but I really haven’t written about any of it, instead I’ve attempted to focus on the multiple blessings) but as I’ve said many times in the last four months – as much as it’s hurt, as much as I thought I wouldn’t make it, as many tears as I’ve cried . . . it’s been WORTH IT!!! to draw so much closer to the LORD. There’s nothing quite like an upheaval in your life to make you cry out to Jesus, when you’ve hit rock bottom and can do nothing but cry out to him, when even the words won’t come, when your Bible is always within arms reach, when there are times you just clutch it to your chest and cry out to Him, when the pages are stained with tears . . . ohhh those are sweet, sweet times. And I wouldn’t trade it!!!!
The Process Server dropped court paperwork off to me yesterday and my stomach dropped, my hands started to shake, and the dread began . . . but then I just smiled and laid ‘em on the counter and began to wonder how the LORD would work this out. Because there is NO WAY, absolutely NO WAY that I can do what needs to be done, now I have to simply wait to see what the LORD does. And ya know what? When you reach that point it’s actually rather exciting!!
Today I’m battle weary, my sword arm is tired….but frozen to the sword, I’m scarred and battered. Yet I’ll drag myself into church this morning, and there I’ll feel the sweet, sweet presence of the LORD just as I felt Him here with me yesterday. And just like yesterday, and just like tomorrow, I know He’ll minister to me, He’ll wipe my tears away, and continue to lead me along this way.
Love the LORD, serve Him with your WHOLE heart, and watch Him move!!!!
October 24, 2009
On a day like today I really could have used my baby brother being around. I miss him more than I ever imagined. How many years does he have to be gone before it stops hurting like this?
Happy birthday Little Brother. I’m so glad you found Jesus.
October 24, 2009
This time it was a phone call asking how you know when a hot dog is cooked.
Why is my son having to cook his own dinner? WHYYYYY??? So many questions, and it’s not just “this” dinner… it’s things like this time and time and time again.
I want my baby home with me.
LORD, I don’t know how much more I can handle.
October 24, 2009
This has been a really hard week. One of the hardest I’ve had in a very long time, the enemy jhurling pain and hurt my direction on a daily basis and in the end I’m left battered and bruised. But I survived.
And although I feel empty and drained, unloved and unlovable, I simply must remind myself that Jesus Loves Me!!! My feelings of being unloved are unfounded because HE LOVES ME!!! My lifelong fear of being unlovable simply isn’t valid because HE LOVES ME!!!
Jesus Loves Me!!! Ohh what a Savior!!!!
October 24, 2009
The deer was just dropped off . . . BOTH boxes! Praise the LORD!!! I won’t need to purchase red meat for months!!!!! Praise the LORD!!! Praise the LORD!!! What a bountiful blessing!!!
October 24, 2009
Earlier this week I heard from an old friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in twenty years yet there was unfinished business between us. Explanations made, forgiveness sought, secrets that needed to be revealed, more forgiveness sought, and then forgiveness given, so many years of heartache dealt with.
I often picture it as God’s unfailing forgiveness loosening the heavy chains of bondage and guilt from our sin. As a result of His forgiveness they drop at our feet. The chains are broken, PRAISE THE LORD, I’m forgiven!!!! Forgiving ourselves allow us to step out of the chains and walk away from them. You’ll always be able to turn and see that big old ugly chain pile of sin bondage, but now they’re a memory. Don’t go back and pick up your chains.
And I can’t help but wonder if I’m not guilty of too often turning and looking at the chains of bondage. And even though I’ve moved far past them sometimes I look down to see if I’m still ensnared. While I *know* the blood of Jesus and it’s saving power broke the chains of bondage . . . as I was typing this entry the song Your Grace and Mercy began blaring through the speakers.
Justice demanded that I should die
but grace and mercy said oh no oh no oh no
we’ve allready paid the price
I once was blind but thank God I can see
it was because grace and mercy came along
and rescued me
Your grace and mercy
brought me through
I’m living this moment
because of You
I want to thank You and praise You too
Your grace and mercy
Your grace and mercy
Your grace and mercy
brought me through
October 24, 2009
The Process Server just dropped off a Petion for Child Support.
I was disappointed, I had secretly hoped that Mark Sr wouldn’t have gone this route. Now I have to wait for the LORD to open the door to an additional job.
October 23, 2009
Mark Jr called me bright and early this morning. Because he had just puked.
And wanted to know if he did everything “right” because he couldn’t wake up his Dad.
He’s sick. He’s there. I’m here.
I hate this part of my life.
